


Drifting

by Lost_One (Sneeze_Meister)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood Loss, Cutting, Depressing, Depression, Domestic Violence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss of Virginity, Past Rape/Non-con, Short One Shot, Slice of Life, Water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:09:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sneeze_Meister/pseuds/Lost_One
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Numbness is so much better than feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drifting

**Author's Note:**

> Highly recommend listening to I'm Not Human At All by Sleep Party People while reading.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R23n2gG9VCk

Numbness.

That's what life is all about.

Not feeling a thing.

Feeling isn't something someone wants to experience. It's not something that you can just decide to have.

No.

Feelings come and go as they please. Sadness, anger, fear, regret, pain, hope, happiness, love, hatred, disappointment...

They've all got to go.

Please throw me into the lake again, I plead with my older brother. I wanna be thrown again please oh please throw me again.

I sounded exactly how my mother did last night, except it was different. It wasn't about water at all. I don't even think she was thinking about the lake a mile away from our house.

_Please don't hit me again I'll do it right this time just please oh please don't hit me again._

He finally complies and throws me into the water, and I feel like everything is going in slow motion. As my body is eaten alive by the cold water, my feelings slowly float away to the top along with the bubbles. Numb spikes flare through my veins, and I close my eyes, offering my body to the water and to the numbness.

I kept sinking, and I never wanted to resurface again. I knew what was waiting for me, out of the water. My bruised mother. My drunk father. My concerned yet naive brother. My dramatic friends. Life.

I didn't want to move on.

I didn't want to face time continuing.

_Please don't let me live another second please let's just float forever never to see the surface again let me drift let me feel numb let me be at peace._

I never thought I would be surrounded by people who were walking corpses everyday of my life. Hollow, empty people in my life keep betraying and hurting me but I can't stop them I can't stop anything.

Trying to protect my mother didn't do any good. Trying to find a reason to live didn't do any good. Trying to push him away, tell him to stop, say that _he was my daddy and fathers don't do this to their daughters_ didn't do any good.

Opening my eyes, I see that I have sunk farther than I thought I had. The lake is very deep, and I can't feel my body. I see my hands instead of feeling them, see them lifting to try and touch the sunlight streaming through the water and engulfing me. Numbness.

After one, two, three blinks, my wrists begin to bleed, and the blood mingles with the water, rising up to the surface and going higher, higher, higher. I feel like I am going higher, higher, higher. Or maybe lower, lower, lower.

_It's okay_ my crush said the day that he stole my life from me. _Every girl does this at your age. Just stay still and it'll all be fine_.

_But don't you understand I've been through this before my daddy hurts me please stop please help me please do something_ I say nothing. I let him take my every breath away.

Suddenly, my eyes flicker and I remember that I am in my bathtub, that I had just used the razor and I'm bleeding, bleeding, bleeding out and the water is reddish and I was trying to drift. I can't drift anymore, I'm surrounded by the bathtub's walls and I can't make room, need to make room. _Just close your eyes everything'll be fine_ they said.

I closed my eyes and sunk my head under the water again. After one, two, three heartbeats I am numb again, and I am surrounded by lake water. Yes, that's right. My brother had just thrown me into the water. My body tingles. I know it is time.

_No more pain no more sorrow no more laughter no more hellos or goodbyes just blissful nothingness as I drift away.  
_

_Drifting..._


End file.
